Tuesday, April 30, 2013

love love love. as much as you possibly can.

and then we sat there but i don't believe we were sitting.  we were dancing in my mind, running these hills of deep deep red that surrounded my autumn obsessed heart.  he was twirling me around like the record of my favorite song and it touched us in the most beautiful way.  and that was that, one of the best nights of my life.  i discovered his past and i opened up about mine and it will never have to be mentioned again.  we needed to know one another and i have finally escaped the weight that has pressed against my shoulders for years.  there comes a time in a girl's life where she finally understands it. her past, that is.  she stops trying to give reason to her mistakes and she no longer tries to piece together every wrong she had once crossed.  it's the time when you are so very thankful that you experienced a hurt by so and so and that you didn't fall for what's his face because if you had, the one that's meant for you wouldn't be next to you in that very moment.  he reached across and held my hand.  the sunset was shining into his truck in the most delicate way and i felt his fingers interlock mine.  i learned a lot about myself in that very moment.  i learned that i've never been one of those people who is optimistic all the time, but he makes me that way.  i could never compare myself to the million other daredevils out there but this boy, he makes me want to climb mountains.  he turned me into a believer, something i have been wishing for all my life.  he makes the time pass slow and allows me to remember every single minute i spend with him because out of no where they have become the most precious ones.  we drove south and listened to his favorite artist sing about boots and carolina and a simple life with the one you should always call baby.  i danced all night and i didn't know if i should thank him or god for making me the happiest i've ever been.  i struggled with relationships, all types of them, and perhaps this is why i'm writing all of this tonight.  we are all searching for love.  we all push it out of our lives at some point and then pray for it to return.  love is so so simple but it can be one of the hardest parts of being human.  i had used the word love more than a million times and i can still remember asking myself if that was how god intended it to sound.  and then this moment came where the right person entered my life and i knew that my world needed nothing else but him.  you will experience this and i can promise you that you'll never forget it.  you're shaking,  you're questioning whether or not he feels the same, and then you realize that you don't want to run away from it anymore.  i whispered i love you and i smiled.  my entire life changed that night and while many may have said we are fools, i stood next to him smiling and trusted that 60 years from now my boots would still be right next to his.

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