Monday, September 30, 2013

weekend link up.

Sami's Shenanigans

rainy days with coffee and words.  etta.  new places.  vegetable chips.  fall beer and green drinks.  birthday parties.  and a very first scroll through the happiest day of my life.  i love weekends.


Friday, September 27, 2013

the big picture.

I have been thinking a lot lately.  Now that our wedding is over and there is no more planning, I've had some time on my hands to just think.  They only give you so many hours when you work part time and while I've been applying and applying for jobs nothing has really jumped out at me yet.  There are two that I'm hoping to hear back from, but until then, I just sit and think...

Oddly enough I haven't had the courage to write about what's been on my mind.  At first, sitting down to write felt nearly impossible.  That's not like me and I started to question whether or not I was losing that little piece of myself.  I would write a sentence and delete it.  I would come up with a way to get my words across and within seconds change my mind.  Everything felt forced until yesterday and I think I know why.

You probably read about my 30 Day Clean Up.  And my words probably sounded motivating and uplifting and emotional.  But guess what?  I've been miserable.  Not only because I took nearly five things out of my diet that I absolutely love but also because it has made me dread every meal, every snack, and pretty much the last ten days of my life.  I felt like my body needed these drastic changes in order to feel healthy and once again I started basing my happiness on depriving myself rather than giving it what it actually wants.  Cutting out meat, sugar, coffee cream, peanut butter, trail mixes, and beer has been one of the hardest and most ridiculous things I've ever done and I continued to question myself every single day as to what the heck I was thinking.  I had no answer, just a stubborn mind that told myself I would be a complete failure if I had a cashew.   I'm now able to sit down this morning and actually write a post where sentences flow because I've given my body a little taste of happy...

hello breakfast.

I've learned a few things about this form of dieting that I would like to share with so that you can avoid it at all cost.
  1. Taking away the foods that you love to eat is not even dieting.  It's deprivation, it's misery, and it's creating unnecessary suffering in your life that you do not deserve.
  2. It  creates conflict between you and your spouse.  Nick supports me always and is willing to help me every single day but it's not fair to him when I'm crabby, starving, and upset that avoiding my favorite foods has had a negative effect on my happiness...
  3. ...which leads me here.  Even though I had cut out sugar and everything else, I still looked the same and I still weighed the same.  The only thing that was different was how I felt and honestly, I had never felt worse.
  4. It screws up your digestive system...just saying.
  5. You are constantly thinking about what your next meal is going to be and wondering if anyone else but you notices the fact that you skipped dessert and are suffering.
  6. You are always telling yourself "I can't."  Do you want a coffee?  "I can't unless it's completely black."  And let's be coffee around 2:00 PM with nothing sweet doesn't even sound appealing.  "Do you want to go to Panera?"  "I can't because then I'll want to order a bagel with peanut butter or a chicken salad sandwich or a coffeee..."  It's a viscous cycle.
  7. I have told myself that I can't more in the last ten days than I think I have ever and it's been a little hard on my self esteem.
  8. You waste precious energy.  See numbers 2, 5,6,7...
  9. You ask yourself question after question after question.  
And lastly...

     10. You compare yourself to others way more when you're dieting than when you're just living.

Yesterday was hard for me.  I was sad and frustrated and I couldn't place my finger on what was bothering me.  First it was this and then it was that and then I finally realized that I was placing blame on things that had nothing to do with the way that I felt.  I was hungry.  I was sore.  and I was tired.  I understand it's hard for a lot of people to relate to the anxiety I feel about food and exercise.  I'm working on them each and every day.  And for some reason I thought the best way to work on them was to just quit eating everything I enjoy.  I laid down and was crying and also laughing at myself because I was crying and the moment I stopped, took a breath, and asked for his help, everything started making sense and I was able to find myself again.  I found that girl that was completely lost for ten days because she decided to take a trip down the crazy lane and try to become something she's not.

Somehow his grace always seems to find me.  And once again it only took a minute for him to remind me who I am.  Why do we consistently try to change ourselves or our lives in search of happiness when the soul purpose of living is to just be.  Be joyful, be merry, be peaceful, and be content in the middle of every sun's rise and set.  I learned an important lesson in all of this.  I learned that I was miserable not because I was missing the things that I had removed from my diet, but because I was trying to completely change myself when I already loved who I was before.  Change, my dear friends, can be a very good thing but when you are in a constant battle with yourself and who you are, the deepest part of your heart never comes alive.  And it's here, inside your deepest self, where most of the good in you is kept.  Realizing that the big picture in life goes far beyond our day to day struggles makes me wish I could just be a dreamer all of the time.  But the big picture, the parts of life that really matter are when we discover our own gifts and talents and doing the things that we are truly capable of.  What I chose to do is not one of my gifts and something I will never be proud of because it went completely against my beliefs about living a healthy and balanced life.

I apologize if not following through with my original plan makes me come off as a quitter but I'm not willing to call myself this.  I'm so grateful I stopped the diet, I'm so grateful for balance,  and I'm so grateful for peanut butter bagels.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you want the full experience of life in your the dang cookie and be exactly who you are because no matter how much you try to consistently change yourself there is a ton of hearts out there that absolutely adore you.

Cheers to wonderful bike rides, tall Miller Lites, and prayers.  Everything becomes so so right when we pray.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

I will have words in my life.  And stories and dreams.  And I'll have love.  The kind that dances in my heart and provides all of my needs just by being.  I will love and have love above everything else.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

a coffee date, twice a day, with myself.

I'm 25 today!  Half way to 50 and half way through my twenties!  I love birthdays so much but September was so busy I barely remembered mine was today!  Hope you have a great first day of fall, and for all you twenty-something-year-olds...

20 ways to make the most of your twenties
1. Don't waste your time at a job you hate.
2. Don't give up on searching for a job you'll love.
3. Don't be afraid of an opportunity.
4. Start saving your money at age 20 18.
5. Stop complaining about yourself.
 6. Follow through with what you say.
7. Laugh at yourself.
8. Cherish the few friends that you have.
9. Accept change.
10. Accept that time goes by extremely fast.
11. Don't rush.
12. Be honest with yourself.
13.  Become friends with your family.
14.  Have a coffee date, twice a day, with yourself.
15.  Read a real book.
16.  Worship.
17.  Do the things you're afraid of.
18.  Keep your hobbies simple.
19.  Embrace that skinny is not a ticket to happiness

20.  Be gracious, be gentle, and always start with yourself.

Friday, September 20, 2013

starting off on the pumpkin spice latte foot.

hello!  i'm enjoying my first pumpkin spice latte of the season as i sit down to write this post before work.  i knowww, it doesn't come with sugar free syrup but i just couldn't pass the starbucks lady up when she promised me she would use nonfat milk and no whip.  this is the only added sugar i've had in my diet for four days and i figure since it's friday and almost my birthdayyy i would just allow myself this happy little drink.  yummy!

other than this, my 'clean up' is going fabulous!  no meat, no sweets, no treats (peanut butter for me).  that has been the hardest part.  i made nick put it way up high in our kitchen cabinet so it wouldn't stare me down in the face every time i look at it.  it brings me back to these babies...

and this...

oh my gosh i need to stop.  

other than daydreaming about my pal JIF, this is what I've been enjoying!

organic black bean soup in a mug.
green veggies.
fall fruit.
 kettlebell workouts.
and this upper body workout which left my arms completely shaking this morning:
elliptical 10 min
repeat each circuit 3x through.
single arm row 17.5 lbs - 15 reps
tricep dip on bench 15 reps
bicep curls 15 lbs - 15 reps
chest fly 15 lbs - 12 reps
dumbbell chest press 15 lbs - 15 reps
push ups on bench 15 reps
incline walk 7 minutes.
tricep kick backs 10 lb - 15 reps
front shoulder raise 8 lbs - 12 reps
lateral shoulder raise 8 lbs - 12 reps
plank 60 seconds
side plank 45 seconds
side plank 45 seconds (other side)
10 regular push ups
10 tricep push ups.
elliptical 10 minuts.
now go buy yourself a pumpkin spice latte and eat a big piece of peanut butter toast for me!
i hope you're all having a wonderful and healthy start to fall. 
xoxo elizabeth jane.